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Tuesday, July 17, 2012

The REAL Top 5 Scariest Movies EVER

Nope, no Hollywood. This is not to say that Hollywood haven't churned out great horror movies throughout the years. Think Rosemary's baby or The Omen. Texas Chainsaw Massacre, The Exorcist or Kubrick's amazing thriller The Shining. All great movies no doubt. But this list has gone deeper than that. I am not talking about quality here: perhaps Rosemary's baby or The Shining would then top that list. I am talking about sheer terror. Moments in movies that would make any grown adult stand from his chair and switch on all the lights in his house. Visions that would make you stop every quarter of an hour for a well deserved gulp of reality. I am speaking about real horror here ladies and gentleman; movies that have taken friends from me just because I had recommended them. So, in any case, here's what I think. Feel free to add to my undoubtedly biased list.

Number 5: The Audition (Japan)

Kudos to Takashi Miike for this brilliant masterpiece. The mood here is its main weapon to terrorize the masses. The greatest thing about this movie ( which is rarely found in a Hollywood product) is that it just gives you that impression that anything can happen at any time; and when it happens, it will probably be crazier then anything you ever expected. Scariest Moment: I'm just gonna say "Kiri Kiri Kiri...." Bliss.


Number 4: Shutter (Thailand)

From Japan to Thailand. I was undecided between this, "Ju-on" and the great "The Eye". However, after some consideration I've decided to go with this just for the simple reason that it has what I believe to be one of the greatest twists in horror history (Yepp it shocked me more than the Sixth Sense one) Holy crap this film is scary. It's moody, bloody, haunted and smart. It has all the right ingredients which cocktail in your mind to deprive you of the sleeping faculty. Asian directors know their horror craft and have a different tradition then the western one in that their horror is usually concerned with depraved female spirits who come back to our world to seek revenge. This formula always seems to work for them because, quite frankly, female spirits are undoubtedly scarier than the psychos running around in the torture porn junk that Hollywood seems committed to give us.   Scariest moment: Let's just say that you're really gonna be a tad more scared about neck pains after watching this film. Highly recommended

Number 3: Rec (Spanish)


I wish I could go back in time so that I can watch this movie as a first-timer again. I had no expectations for this one and was wise enough not to watch any trailers. For a long time I believed that this was the scariest movie ever. It's idea is simple. There's an infected condominium in which everyone is gradually turning into zombies and the authorities have entrapped a journalist and some survivors inside. Simple enough no? Forget the Hollywood remake Quarantine by the way ( in fact forget any Hollywood remake except for The Ring) and enjoy this very twisted bloody screamer of a ride. I assure you, in the last scene, when you realize what's going on, you'll come and thank me for suggesting this movie. Simply sensational.  Scariest moment: As I said, the last scene which reveals the whole nature of the plot will stay in your mind forever.

Number 2: Inside (A l' Interieur in french) (French)


What could be scarier than Asian female spirits or the Spanish condominium from hell. Well, no doubt in my mind: French horror. I honestly believe that the new wave of french horror films (Ils, Martyrs, Inside, Haute Tension, Calvaire, Sheitan, Frontiers and Irreverisble just to mention a few) has provided the bloodiest, darkest, saddest and most uncompromising horror scenes in horror history. Yes it's a bold claim but I have found many others who support this claim on the web. Quite simply "Inside" ( who many believe should be number 1 instead of 2) will provide you with 90 minutes of panic and madness. You'll be caught up between an irresistible urge to switch off your DVD and go watch some power rangers and an equally tempting desire to see it till the end, just so you can brag with your horror buddies that, yes, you've seen it. I am not exaggerating. There is not one single moment of respite. The expectations, well, you won't have any because everything will happen faster than your mind can actually process any expectations. Just rent it, delete all your  appointments and test yourself with this, you'll be happy upon succeeding. Scariest Moment: Well let me just say that the last scene might be responsible for a decline in birth rates just for scaring the shit out of expecting mothers. Horror Bliss.

Number 1: Martyrs. (French)


I have lost two friends because of this film. Recommending this film will depict you as mad; as a blood hungry person who gets aroused by pain and tragedy and death. Be warned. In my mind there is no doubt that this is the scariest movie ever created by a human mind. There's nothing in this film which will ever let you doubt for a second that you're watching the apocalypse unfold before you. There's no humor. There are no calm scenes ( expect one which... well... you'll see) and most of all there is no retribution. This film symbolizes for me all that Hollywood will never be. Courage, indifference to a market which craves hope,  uncompromising in its attack on everything we value, and most importantly, honest.  Few films, if ever, have left me with a bitterest taste in my mouth and no film has made me hate my love for horror films than this one. Just go and try it out because words are meaningless and nothing can convey the intensity and sheer madness of this film. May you still watch horror movies after this one. Scariest Moment: Well, all of it. Every segment is as shocking as the next; every moment is as relentless as the previous. Pure Horror Genius.











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